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<title>The voice of reason by dadrielle (snappilier)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27785788">The voice of reason</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/snappilier/pseuds/dadrielle'>dadrielle (snappilier)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Xena: Warrior Princess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2015-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2015-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:14:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27785788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/snappilier/pseuds/dadrielle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When the world capsized, she clung to it, named the voice Reason, and became its faithful disciple.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gabrielle/Xena</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The voice of reason</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>An old ficlet I never posted here and came across this afternoon. I don't hate it, so I figured I'd post it here so I stop losing it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a voice inside Xena’s head.  </p>
<p>She knew everyone had voices in their head, were voices in their own heads, but from the time she was very young she was sure that her Voice was different, because it remained cool and detached and separate from the rest of her even as Xena wept or raged or caught fire in passion. The voice embodied constancy, a stone pillar rising from the waves. When the world capsized, she clung to it, named the voice Reason, and became its faithful disciple. When her town and her own mother hated her for it and bid her leave, Reason told her it was for the best. Reason laughed at the philosophers who spoke of the dignity of men, and scoffed at the undignified men that begged for mercy at her feet. Reason told her that the gifts Lao Ma offered her couldn’t be real for the price they bore was both too high and not high enough; that any price at all meant it wasn’t a gift anyway. Reason told her that Alti’s way would swallow up Cyane’s, would eat the world alive, and that if only she joined her, her hunger might be sated. Following Reason, she cut through the world, blood blossoming in her wake.</p>
<p>Some called her monstrous, evil, insane – even unreasonable, in her lust for power and for death and for destruction. But she listened to that constant calm inside that one small piece of her, that one place of certainty, and she knew that whatever chaos her actions seem to embody, they were rooted deep in straight, logical lines, growing from Reason, a sure harvest in well tended fields. </p>
<p>Even after Hercules, even after the Gauntlet and the child and burying the self that slaughtered at will, still she named it Reason. He heart might roil like the winedark sea, but Reason remained stalwart, a pillar of calm certainty she could spot in the distance, even as she let loose her clinging hold. Good and justice were still unreasonable to her then – even as she strived to learn them. </p>
<p>She acknowledged Reason’s wisdom as it shouted at her to ignore the golden-haired girl, send her home and continue about taking her own life, even as she did not follow it. She conceded it was probably right, as it said that Gabrielle must only love the idea of her, because the fact of her was too terrible and dark to be touched by such a feeling. She shared its view that Gabrielle’s was almost unbearably naïve, even as she strove with every fiber of her being to protect that innocent heart. She thought then that perhaps it was best for the world to believe a lie rather than follow Reason, though then she believed still Reason told her the truth.</p>
<p>Only now, as the voice she had called Reason rages and spits and loses all control, screaming that she turn Gabrielle loose, hurt her, kill her, anything to make this happiness stop – only as the echo of Gabrielle’s words bounces through every place of her, only as the soft benediction of Gabrielle’s lips on her own causes the voice in the back corner of her mind to lose its calm cadence, does she realize its true name is not Reason at all, but Hatred, and not just any Hatred but the Hatred directed at her own self. And only then does she call it a liar.</p>
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